my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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