WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
