some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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