What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
