Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
