I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
