if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
