There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
