i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Shame - the story of my life.
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