It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
