Someone shit on the floor
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
