Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
