i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
