The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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