I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just cropdusted the office
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
