Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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