Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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