His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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