____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
