You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
