Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
