Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
no you cant smoke seaweed
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
