I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
