he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
