i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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