I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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