I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
