You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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