i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
