i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
