My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
