Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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