@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
