he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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