I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
