i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
