I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
