woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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