Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
