Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
