Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
