Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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