K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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