I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i think im in europe. pls send help
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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