I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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