So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Randomize
