Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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