Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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