hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
