even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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