After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
