i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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